


Reaching You

by tsukithewolf



Series: Written On Your Skin [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: AU where everything you do to your skin appears on your soulmate, Angst, Artist!MC, Kind of a drabble series, MC is open to interpretation, Other, Soulmate AU, The Yooran relationship is left open to interpretation as romantic or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-02 11:12:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10943334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukithewolf/pseuds/tsukithewolf
Summary: A series of drabbles as Saeyoung thinks about his soulmate.





	1. Scratching

**Author's Note:**

> I was randomly inspired for this. I don't have a direction for it. I'm gonna see where my ramblings take me. Feel free to join me!
> 
> Btw, I've always wanted to do a soulmate AU. Maybe one day I'll do a long and proper one. Soulmate AUs are my jam.

One of his favorite things about his soulmate is that they always seemed to know when he was stressed out. Saeyoung supposed that he should probably already know this considering every little thing he did to his body showed up on his soulmate’s body, but he never really took the time to think about these things until his soulmate would respond.

 

Saeyoung tended to scratch at his skin idly when he was working. Usually he would start scratching at himself and only the pain would alert him to it. He didn’t do it on purpose really and it definitely wasn’t a self-harm thing, it was just a bad habit of his. That was why he would immediately switch to biting his nails instead. It was better than hurting himself even if his fingernails didn’t forgive him for it. Having nubby fingernails meant he couldn’t scratch himself.

 

But whatever markings he made his to his skin would show up on his soulmate. That was how these things worked. Anything dealing with the skin that wasn’t natural to the body would appear like a mirror image superimposed straight onto your soulmate’s body. Freckles, acne, and pigmentation? Not going to show up. Tattoos, scratches, injuries, and drawings though? They will absolutely show up.

 

Saeyoung sometimes felt it would be a warning. He would scratch at himself, and then soon afterwards would start biting his nails when his arm began to ache. He only did it when he was stressed. So then the drawings would start to show up.

 

His soulmate would draw pictures on their skin when he scratched. When he got any sort of injury. He hated that they felt the same pain as he did. He hated himself for inflicting pain on a person who didn’t deserve it. But it still happened nonetheless. He couldn’t control it. His work in life was dangerous.

 

But he appreciated the drawings. They were silly things usually. Outlines of monsters and animals. Words that twisted up and down his arm as if they were writing as far as they could stretch. Markers and pens and all kinds of utensils. Sometimes they gently scratched words into Saeyoung’s back -not hard enough to hurt, but with enough pressure to make his skin redden for a short period of time before fading. It sent shivers up and down his body. It distracted him. The stress would become a shadow of itself in the wake of watching what new things his soulmate did to his body.

 

He didn’t think it was fair that he would hurt his soulmate and in return he was giving all these cute drawings and pleasurable words scratched into his back and neck and thighs. He wanted to return the favor, but he couldn’t leave any lasting marks on himself. The last time that he had communicated with his soulmate was to ask that they quickly wash the drawings off their arms within an hour of drawing them. Any longer risked damage to both of them.

 

 _You don’t like them?_ They had written.

 

 _I love them_. Saeyoung replied on his stomach where he could easily hide the words with his shirt. _But I’m dangerous._

 

_Are you safe?_

 

They cared about him. They didn’t even know who he was. Who took the words “I’m dangerous” and then asked if he was safe? How would they know that he was the one in danger?

 

_Don’t worry about me._

 

In return they had drawn all around his words lovely little images. The childish drawings from two years ago when they had first started drawing on him had only become better in time. Now Saeyoung could say they were proper doodles with promise behind them. His fingers would trace the lines even as he felt more being inked onto his skin.

 

They never asked what his name was. Saeyoung wouldn’t be able to tell them if they did.

 

He wonders who they are all of the time. They were soulmates, but what could they become? Some soulmates were platonic. Others were more familial. The common misconception was that soulmates almost always became romantically involved. Saeyoung wouldn’t be able to be romantically involved with his soulmate even if he wanted to. There was too great of a risk of them being used against him. Even now his shithole of a job could use threats to his body against his soulmate, but hurting him wouldn’t be able to kill his soulmate. They would feel the pain, but if he bled out they would be fine. The scratches didn’t physically break their skin like it broke his.

 

He didn’t want them to feel pain.

 

He knew them through the little pictures and the words they liked to write on his body. He knew they did it purely for him to enjoy as well. No person would write and draw on their skin that much unless it was to share. They always did it in places that wouldn’t be seen easily whenever they felt particularly passionate about what they were writing or drawing. More often than not Saeyoung’d had to go to the bathroom to pull off his pants and glance at the cheeky picture drawn awkwardly in the crease of his thigh and groin. It made him laugh. Who had time to do these things? But for normal days they would just draw on their body in obvious places and be sure to wash the stuff off within an hour.

 

Saeyoung was a blank canvas for them to fill up. He hoped that they wouldn’t accidentally poison themselves.

 

 _You don’t scratch like you used to_. His hand said one day. He hadn’t even noticed. He still gets stressed out, but usually he had drawings to look at to calm him down. He had come to recognize the handwriting of his soulmate. He was positive he would be able to recognize it anywhere. He wished that he could see it written out in person. He could only imagine the person it was attached to.

 

_I don’t want to ruin your drawings._

 

_Thanks! Being complimented by my soulmate makes me happy!_

 

He had made them happy. It had made Saeyoung’s day. Saeyoung didn’t scratch anymore. The nail-biting, though, was still a work in progress. If only he had something else to occupy his mouth when he worked.


	2. Car

Saeyoung had taken to wearing a coat now. It was the most comfortable jacket he’d ever owned and he loved to wear it. He wouldn’t say where he got it from or how it found its way around his shoulders and snuggled up against his body, but it was his now and he wore it often. He had taken to keeping his house a bit chilly because of it so that he could sleep wrapped up nice and tightly in his coat and in his bed.

 

Mary Vanderwood III thought it was utterly ridiculous. She would prefer that he just turn the temperature up, but she had come to adjust to Saeyoung’s house temperature now too. Vanderwood just wouldn’t take off her jacket either. Saeyoung had secretly been hoping that she would just feel more inclined not to visit his house so often if she disliked the chill.

 

The coat had another useful function as well. If people were used to seeing him wear it, then it wouldn’t be suspicious if he never took it off. So that meant his soulmate was allowed to draw more all over his arms if they wanted to. And Saeyoung had been sure to tell them that they could. He wanted to be able to have easy access to the drawings and his arms were the best spots.

 

 _Are you safe now, then?_ His wrist asked in scrunched lettering. Saeyoung ran his thumb over the words.

 

 _I can look at ur pics anytime now!_ He responded.

 

_Don’t think I didn’t notice that wasn’t an answer!_

Saeyoung didn’t respond and only continued to smile at his arm as he watched a picture bloom across his skin. They were being more intricate with the design this time. Their movements were slow and controlled with light lines. He was sure they would darken them in later. He wondered if his soulmate was an artist or if they honestly just liked to doodle on their skin for fun? He didn’t recall doodles on his skin when he had been younger. This had started fairly recently in terms of his life.

 

Did they start drawing just for him?

 

Saeyoung kept his eyes on the picture even as he walked over to his bathroom and started running some hot water. He then wet a rag and added some soap so that he could wipe his words off. His soulmate never stopped drawing. He could already see the beginnings of a carefully constructed car. It was already better than Saeyoung could draw. He smiled at the sight of it.

 

_I luv cars_

 

They paused just enough to write, _What color should I make it?_

Saeyoung contemplated an answer while they continued to finish the outline and details of the car. He liked all kinds of colors for cars, but if he asked for the same color as his baby car it wouldn’t show up too well on his skin. So instead he wrote,

 

_make it ur fav color_

_That would be telling ;3_

_oooooo~_

He licked his lips and travelled back over to his computer. Vanderwood would be there soon and he would have to start working, but right now he just wanted the moments alone for now. Just him, this car, and his soulmate. He didn’t feel truly alone at that moment.

 

The color came next as the sensation of pen transformed with the soft stroke of a brush. His eyes softened more and he moved his finger with the strokes so it almost appeared as if his finger was adding color to his pale skin. So this was their favorite color. He wondered how long they would let it linger on their skin.

 

It made him feel special if his soulmate really had started drawing just for him. They had become so good at it. He wondered what their friends thought of the drawings on their skin? Were they questioned? Saeyoung never really saw his own friends, so nobody said anything. Even Tom had only glimpsed art on him before. And he had only found it pretty typical. Maybe Saeyoung should start drawing on his skin back?

 

The car was finished with a flourish and a silly doodle above it of a person going “vroom vroom!” He wondered if that’s what his soulmate looked like. He could imagine driving around in a car like that with them. Would they like his cars? He wanted to find out more about them, but he was scared to ask questions unless they began to ask him questions back.

 

So he kept quiet and doodled a version of himself next to the silly person. He added his glasses and a triangle smile. No colors or more details. That was enough. He hoped their doodles liked driving together.


	3. Pain

Saeyoung thought about Saeran a lot. Not as often as he used to when he was younger, but often enough. Sometimes too much. Saeran’s loss echoed hollowly through him whenever he thought of his twin brother and so sometimes Saeyoung just couldn’t allow himself to think about Saeran. It was too much for him to bear.

 

He thinks about how he had been certain when he had first learned about soulmates that Saeran would be his soulmate. The two of them were two halves of the same whole. It would only make sense that they would be soulmates. But even though Saeyoung didn’t discover what soulmates were until later, he knew that Saeran couldn’t be his mysterious soulmate. Their mother’s injuries to their bodies had never shown up on each other. Saeyoung was sure this was a blessing from God. He didn’t believe that he and his brother could share double the amounts of pain their mother gave them.

 

But that only made Saeyoung think of his actual soulmate. The person who had shared his pain and didn’t know why. He wondered if they had figured out what had happened to him. He hated that another child had to bear those horrors. Did their parents freak out? Saeyoung received the occasional bruises and cuts from his soulmate, but those had been fairly typical. Possibly caused by physical punishment by parents, but also possibly just caused by childhood. He never knew.

 

They probably knew what he had gone through.

 

Saeyoung wished that Saeran had been his soulmate, though. It would explain the longing in his chest for his missing brother more than anything. It only equated to the growing need to find his soulmate who loved to draw little pictures for him. Would it be possibly to have two soulmates?

 

Saeran didn’t share his wounds, though.

 

Saeyoung wondered who shared Saeran’s soul, then. He hoped that they were a good person. He hoped they were alright too. Saeran had taken a lot of the brunt of their mother’s anger.

 

> **Yoosung **☆**** : That actually reminds me!
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : Seven, do you have a soulmate??
> 
>  
> 
> **ZEN** : Hey yeah good point!
> 
>  
> 
> **You** : lolol why are u asking?
> 
>  
> 
> **You** : u wanna know if ur mine~? ❤ ❤ ❤
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : I already know I’m not yours!
> 
>  
> 
> **You** : What makes u so sure?
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : Um well
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : You don’t have a huge tattoo on your arm.
> 
>  
> 
> **ZEN:** That’s true. I had forgotten you had that.
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : My mom freaked when she first saw it T-T
> 
>  
> 
> **You** : It makes u look more badass Yoosung
> 
>  
> 
> **You** : +10 Coolness Points! 8D
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : Hehe, you think?
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : It’s a little creepy, if I’m honest.
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : I worry about my soulmate.
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : I hope they’re okay…
> 
>  
> 
> **ZEN** : Tattoos aren’t _that_ bad, dude
> 
>  
> 
> **Yoosung **☆**** : That’s not why I’m worried…

 

Saeyoung was glad he managed to get away without talking about his soulmate. It was so easy to distract Yoosung and Zen without too much effort when it was only casual interest. Saeyoung didn’t like talking about himself in general. Even with his friends in the RFA, talking about soulmates was too personal for him. His soulmate was his.

 

Zen was the one most open about discussing soulmates. He didn't have as much shame when it came to it. He had found his own soulmate quickly after being in the RFA, although what their actual relationship was neither of them had told him. Saeyoung could guess, though. Zen refused to talk about specifics in the chatroom. Saeyoung and Yoosung preferred not to ask about it outside of the chatroom.

 

Yoosung didn’t talk about his soulmate much either. Saeyoung had seen Yoosung’s records, though. He knew how his friend had gone to the hospital multiple times because of his soulmate to get something to help with his pain. Yoosung had a right to worry for his soulmate. Saeyoung would be terrified if his soulmate had been in so much pain. It made him nervous. He shoved up his jacket’s sleeve.

 

 _Are you okay?_ He wrote across his arm.

 

It took three minutes for his soulmate to respond. _Yes, I’m fine._ Then they also added right below it _You must be worried if you’re actually spelling everything out._

 

Saeyoung didn’t respond to that. His fingers quietly traced over the _Yes, I’m fine_ a couple of times. He wiped off the _you_ in his question and changed it to _u_ with a winking face.

 

He got a pinch in response that made him laugh. He had a feeling they were laughing as well.


	4. Embarrassment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wondered if this chapter was borderline rated T but I think it's still pretty safe despite the implications.

The limits of what soulmates can and cannot do to each other are strange. It seems like whatever one does to their skin, the other will feel as well, but that’s not necessarily the case. Pain is the most easily felt. The skin reacts intensely to the feeling and transfers it along whatever line connects two soulmates. Saeyoung followed along the theory that scientists had that this was some type of useful survival ability in the past. But having your soulmate only feel your pain seemed too extreme.

 

That didn’t explain why Saeyoung could feel his soulmate drawing on him. It wasn’t painful. The backscratches he sometimes randomly received weren’t painful. Even the sensation of his hair being played with wasn’t painful. Why could he feel that? He didn’t have a theory for that. In such a case, wouldn’t that mean almost anything done to the skin would be felt by his soulmate?

 

It left some interesting options open for when, uh, people needed alone time.

 

Not that Saeyoung really had time or the inclination to indulge. But he did wonder if his soulmate did. Did they ever feel what he did? He couldn’t exactly recall feeling a time when things felt too warm for normal comfort. But then why wouldn’t the soulmate bond transfer that? Sure it could be embarrassing, but if the two soulmates became partners than it was probably something very useful.

 

Saeyoung tried to convince himself not to think of what it would be like to feel echoing sensations during his own imaginings of what his soulmate would look like.

 

He wondered if the little touches he occasionally felt were from his soulmate’s lover. He wondered if his soulmate had ever dated anyone. Saeyoung never got the opportunity or the luxury to do so. He was jealous and curious. He knew he shouldn’t ask because that would be like inviting his soulmate to ask questions about him that he didn’t want to and couldn’t answer, but before he knew it he was shoving his blanket aside, pushing up the loose leg of his boxer shorts, and writing on his thigh,

 

_Have u dated someone before?_

They didn’t respond right away. That was when Saeyoung realized it was rather absurdly late. Normal people would be asleep by now. Saeyoung himself had just gotten into bed not long ago and had been trying to relax. Hence all of the needless thoughts floating around inside of his head. He was about to just go and wipe off his writing so that his soulmate wouldn’t see it when they woke up when he felt the familiar sensation of pen on his leg.

 

_Weird question_

_Weird how_

_Weird becuz its so random lol_

_I am random lololol_

_I’m learning that_

Saeyoung wiped off his previous writing with some wet wipes he kept near his bed now specifically for this purpose. Did his soulmate find it weird to write on their thigh? Or that Saeyoung wrote on his thigh?

 

 _I’ve sort of dated_ They finally responded.

 

_Sorta?_

_Didn’t last long. More like a test than anything._

Saeyoung shouldn’t feel relieved. He shouldn’t.

 

He wanted to know what their number was. Could they text? They clearly understood at least one of the languages he was fluent in, so that was good. He wanted to text them rather than write on himself because it would be easier, but at the same time that could be tracked. He couldn’t risk his soulmate. People who lost their soulmates violently were never the same. There were hospitals for that.

 

Plus he kind of liked how personal it was. It was like his body was a secret messenger. Even if it was a little weird to write on his skin all of the time.

 

 _Why ask?_ They wrote underneath their answer when he didn’t respond for a long while.

 

He didn’t answer that. Instead his hands decided to rebel against his brain and ask _do u think soulmates feel it when their soulmate touches themselves?_

“Oh my God.” Saeyoung said aloud as he realized that was _not what he had meant to write!!_ He scrambled to wipe it away. Delete the traces of his embarrassing question. Curiosity would get him killed one day. He didn’t want his soulmate to think him creepy for asking such a thing!

 

He hadn’t been fast enough. They had finished reading his message. _Lololololol I was wondering that too!_

 

He paused. Really? They wondered about that stuff too? Well . . . they _were_ soulmates. Maybe they thought alike? They shared a soul. His chest felt warm.

 

 _Have you felt anything from me before like that?_ They asked.

 

Oh God oh God oh God they just confirmed that they-!

 

 _no probably not_ Saeyoung felt like his mind and face were overheating.

 

_That’s a relief. I had always wondered but…_

Saeyoung had to bury his face into his pillow. He shouldn’t have asked. He felt so happy that his curiosity had been sated, but now all he could think about was-!

 

The conversation ended there. Saeyoung never wrote back and his soulmate didn’t press on. He had other questions that he wanted to ask, but he needed to resist. Right now he didn't think would be getting to sleep any time soon. Not with these thoughts in his head. It was worse than before. He would have to occupy himself somehow. And NOT by asking more questions.

 

Maybe some other time.


	5. Weakness

The fact that Saeyoung even had a soulmate was a secret. It was an easy secret to keep because of a couple reasons. For one thing he didn’t interact with people often. And those he did usually didn’t care. Another reason is because blatantly asking about someone’s soulmate is usually considered personal and rude. The exception was among good friends. So as long as Saeyoung just didn’t tell the others, he didn’t have to talk about his soulmate at all.

 

In reality not having a soulmate wasn’t uncommon. There could be many reasons as to why a person doesn’t have a soulmate with the most common being that their other half just wasn’t born yet. Sometimes a person’s soulmate never is born during that person’s lifetime. Saeyoung could pretend he was one of those people. And as far as his boss and the agency he worked for knew, that was his truth. As long as he kept his soulmate a secret, they were safe. Soulmates in the agency were a threat to be used against the agents.

 

There were very few people in the world who knew Saeyoung had a soulmate. Saeran was one of them. Rika used to know before she passed away, and of course V knew as well. Outside of people he trusted, Vanderwood was also aware of his soulmate.

 

It had been an accident. Unfortunate timing on his soulmate’s part. Saeyoung could easily hide his worry for his soulmate when he was hurt by the agency or on missions. If he pretended he didn’t have anyone other than himself to worry about, then they wouldn’t suspect anything. But on the one day that Saeyoung had been in the middle of a lecture from Vanderwood, cat scratches had appeared on Saeyoung’s hand. He had managed to resist a flinch, but of course Vanderwood had seen the marks.

 

“. . . You have a soulmate.” She pointed out, somewhat surprised. Saeyoung spotted the flash of pity on her face before her eyes met his. “You’ve never had a soulmate before. When did you get one?”

 

Saeyoung had tried to distract Vanderwood with his usual playfulness. Get her off of his trail so that she wouldn’t say anything to the agency. But she hadn’t fallen for it. It was hard to ignore the obvious. If anything it had only exasperated the agent.

 

Vanderwood sighed heavily. “Listen, I don’t really care if you have a soulmate. As long as it doesn’t affect your work, I don’t give a shit.”

 

“The agency would.” Saeyoung pointed out a little bitterly even as he smiled tightly.

 

“They would also care to hear about the RFA you’re part of too. But I guess this is just another thing I’ll forget to mention to them.” Vanderwood dismissed him then, turning towards the kitchen to see if she could hunt down some food. Saeyoung had been surprised but grateful. Vanderwood wasn’t someone he trusted really, but there were secrets that the woman kept that were useful to him. And Vanderwood had a policy that as long as withholding the information won’t get them killed, she won’t say anything. Still the thought of her knowing didn’t sit right with him.

 

He didn’t like people knowing about his weakness.

 

Oh well. It wasn’t like anybody could find his soulmate. The possibility of it was astronomically low. Saeyoung doubted that _he_ would ever meet his soulmate.

 

He tried to pretend the ache of that thought didn’t hurt.


	6. Quarters

It was a rare day where Saeyoung wasn’t in his house. He had managed to finish his work and had escaped from his comfortable prison of a house to go outside. Driving his baby cars was the best, but it was even better when he got to meet up with his friends. Already he had popped by to visit Tom and chat for a while about absolutely nothing. They had discussed video games and Tom’s plans for his future of working with his grandfather. Saeyoung (or “Jerry” as Tom liked to call him. They both thought the joke was hilarious) granted him nothing about what his plans for the future were. Saeyoung had none that he could discuss.

 

Later he had ended up meeting with Yoosung for the first time in . . . Saeyoung couldn’t remember. He really didn’t go outside often enough unless it was for a mission. Maybe he should try to put more effort into that. He wondered what his soulmate would say if he told them just how pale his skin was from staying inside all of the time.

 

Hanging out with Yoosung was always the best. It was easy with him. Yoosung always made things fun even if it was just because Saeyoung could tease him mercilessly. But it was even better when the two of them went to go play videogames together. Saeyoung was great at the arcade games, but Yoosung actually did sometimes manage to give him a run for his money. That was why the two of them were going to play in the arcade that day. It was spur of the moment, but Saeyoung knew that Yoosung wasn’t doing anything anyway (even if he  _ should _ have been in class).

 

That plan was ruined, however, when shortly after they had met up Yoosung had gasped. His head snapped to the side and he had fallen to his knees clutching his cheek. Saeyoung had followed him down, baffled and worried by the sudden reaction. Yoosung whined and muttered a curse under his breath as his eyes teared up. He blinked a couple of the tears out as he stood up. Around them people were staring. Saeyoung bristled at the sensation of so many staring eyes.

 

“What happened?” He asked as he helped Yoosung to his feet. Yoosung shook his head as he bit back more tears and turned away to hurry away from the crowd. Saeyoung followed afterwards immediately. He could already guess what had actually happened, but he wanted to be certain. His blood was absolutely icy with the idea. That had been horrifying to watch.

 

The two of them hid around a corner and Yoosung bit back a sob that half-escaped from his chest. He continued to clutch his cheek and shake his head. It was bright red under his hand from what Saeyoung could see. He wondered if there was a place he could get ice at from around there. 

 

“Yoosung.” He tried to get his friend to talk. Yoosung only said another curse before he began to cry a bit harder. Was the pain really that bad? Was it the shock? Saeyoung didn’t know how to deal with crying people. He was about to start teasing him in an effort to possibly make him laugh when Yoosung sent a watery glare to the wall behind Saeyoung. That was when he realized Yoosung was  _ angry _ , not necessarily crying from the pain.

 

“Sorry.” Yoosung apologized through gritted teeth as one more sob come from him. He swiped at his eyes to clear them, dropping his hand from clutching his cheek. Saeyoung could see where the pressure had been applied to the most at Yoosung’s cheek. He could even see a bit of the outline of a hand forming. He swallowed thickly. “I didn’t mean to start crying, but I just . . . dammit, they’re hurt again!! Someone is hurting them again!!” He began to cry again, shaking as he touched his cheek. “It makes me so mad!! I can’t help them at all and they’re my  _ soulmate _ !!” 

 

“I can get some ice for you.” Saeyoung recommended. “They should feel the coolness too if you hold it over the spot.” Ice was biting enough to the skin that it could be felt through the bond. 

 

“Yes, please.” Yoosung wiped at his face again. Saeyoung grabbed his friend’s shoulder and squeezed reassuringly before he went to go grab some ice. He knew his friend would want a few moments to gather himself.

 

Saeyoung wondered if that was what it was like for his soulmate whenever he got hurt. Did they cry when he was injured? Saeyoung wasn’t safe. Even when he wasn’t trying, they got hurt. He hated himself. What had those years when he had been living with his mother been like for his soulmate? He faintly recalled the feeling of ice over some of his bruises and rope burns from his childhood, although he hadn’t understood it back then. Now he thought about it in a different light.

 

It wasn’t fair that soulmates existed to feel each other’s pain. Why couldn’t their lives be left alone? Why must the pain be felt? In the Bible it was explained as the Lord proving the love between the two souls. Through pain and pleasure the soulmates would share. The stronger their love for each other was, the more effective the bond and the more they were drawn together. Two halves of the same whole. One soul experiencing the lives of two bodies.

  
Saeyoung hated it. And disagreed. Saeran was his other half, not his soulmate. Saeran and Saeyoung were the souls who were split into two bodies. They were twins.

 

Unless Saeran also had a soulmate. Saeyoung didn’t know. He hadn’t been with his brother long enough to learn if he did. If Saeran  _ did  _ have a soulmate, Saeyoung didn’t mind sharing their bond. They would all be fourths of each other. Four bodies sharing one soul.

 

Four times the amount of pain.

 

Saeyoung acquired some ice and returned to Yoosung who continued to sit where he had left him. The other man was gently touching his cheek and seemed to be murmuring to himself. Saeyoung had caught himself talking aloud to his soulmate before too. Pain had a tendency of increasing this habit.

 

He only wished that they could hear him when he spoke.

 

He also was glad that they couldn’t.

  
He wished that Yoosung’s soulmate could hear him, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing how popular this drabbles series has gotten in such a short time. Why??? Lololol I'm so confused.
> 
> Anyway thank you all for reading!
> 
> Also come bother me at tsukithewolf.tumblr.com if you're bored ;3 I have heard my blog is at least entertaining lolol


	7. Tattoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still amazed at myself. Yesterday I updated three of my stories AND posted the next part of my Reset Theory story! Like, dayum gurl week et

There was a new person in the RFA now. There hadn’t been a new person to join their little association since Jaehee over two years ago. Saeyoung had been immediately charged with researching as much as he could about this new person. He was the first to know their name, what they looked like, what their passwords were for their various accounts, and even what kind of fast food they seemed to prefer judging by the frequency of the card payments.

 

Saeyoung had been immediately fascinated by this person mostly because they seemed so cute to bully. What kind of person answered the phone for a stranger at midnight and then proceeded to fall for a phone prank? That was absolutely precious. On top of that Saeyoung discovered this person was an artist just like his soulmate. It shouldn’t have endeared him so much to a stranger for there to be an association between them, but somehow it did. It made him pause in his own work to gaze down at his bare legs. 

 

His thighs were absolutely covered in something anyone would consider a tattoo. Swirls and rainbows of colors were shaded and highlighted on his pale skin. It dazzled him to see the racing cars and the silly characters from cartoons he half-recognized. There were lyrics artistically drawn from songs he hadn’t heard of until he had looked them up. Even now he was listening to those songs and letting his eyes read the lyrics on his legs. He ran his hands over his skin thinking it might smear the masterpieces, but it didn’t. This was his favorite work to date. What did this look on his soulmate, he wondered? Already he could see tiny parts that were smeared because of it.

 

He was worried now.

 

_ don’t poison yourself  _ He wrote on his hand. He could feel a brush touching up something on the corner of his knee. It paused soon after he finished writing.

 

_ It’s nontoxic  _ They promised him. That was a relief. Something in his chest loosened to know that.

 

Before they had asked him what color his skin was. They had used different skin colored markers and had made marks on his arm and asked him to find the one closest to his skin color. He had circled it with a pen. From then on the artwork that appeared on him began to match his skin color. The highlights were always perfect. 

 

The art was just for him, he realized then. They were doing it for him still. What started as something to stop him from scratching had instead turned into a passion for them. He wanted to ask them what their life was now. How people reacted to their art. Did they make a career out of it like the newest RFA member had? Did maybe the newest RFA member know his soulmate? After all, the art now looked extremely professional. It took skill to draw on the back of your own thighs. 

 

His pen hovered over his arm as he barely restrained himself from asking them these questions. He wanted to find out their phone number. Find out their name. If he learned their name, he could find out all of the information about them. He could see what school they went to and whether or not they’d bought or done anything illegal. He could see -if they were going to university- what they wanted to do with their future. He could learn so much about them.

 

But he didn’t write anything. He couldn’t. Instead he watched as his soulmate touched up the masterpiece that was his thighs. He felt his cheeks flush at the sensation of the brush moving further up his thighs and caressing the joint of his legs. He pressed his fingers to the spots so it seemed like he was drawing on his skin. He wondered if they could feel the pressure of his finger. 

 

Their information was not for him. Because the moment he learned who they were he would only continue to crave more and more from them. Already he was being greedy. He had told himself in the past that he wouldn’t talk to them, but here he was occasionally writing words on himself. Already he had interfered in their life by influencing their love of drawing. Their life was not for him to have no matter how the longing in his chest increased.

  
So instead he turned his attention back to his phone and scrambled for the chatroom. He would distract himself in his friends. Find out more about this new RFA member who was currently logged into the chatroom (although it appeared that they haven’t talked in quite a while. Busy, maybe?) and whether he could mess with them even more. Yoosung was a prime target in the meantime. He would think of ways to tease the other man so that he wouldn’t be distracted by the sensation of a paintbrush on his skin.


	8. Nosy

> **ZEN** : So hey I was wondering
> 
>  
> 
> **ZEN** : Do you have a soulmate?
> 
>  
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : ZEN!! D8
> 
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> **Jaehee Kang** : That’s really not appropriate to ask;;;
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> **You** : yeah dude way to make things weird lol
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> **ZEN** : What?;;
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> **ZEN** : I mean at this point we all know each other’s so why not?
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : Just because you and Jumin are soulmates doesn’t mean the rest of us want to talk about ours.
> 
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> **ZEN** : WHY must you remind me of this fact?
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> **ZEN** : It’s bad enough it’s true OTL
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> **_____** : Is it okay if I talk about this here?
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> **Jumin Han** : At this point you might as well.
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> **Jumin Han** : Considering Zen has aleady brought it up.
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> **You** : Considering he let the cat out of the bag
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> **ZEN** : I know you did that on purpose >:(
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> **_____** : You and Jumin are soulmates? Congratulations!
> 
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> **ZEN** : Don’t congratulate us.
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> **Jumin Han** : Zen continues to have an irrational dislike of me despite the circumstances.
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> **_____** : Oh;;
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> **ZEN** : Just because we’re soulmates doesn’t make me any less annoyed with you!!
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> **ZEN** : You’re STILL an asshole!
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : At this point it could be gross flirting;;
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> **ZEN** : It’s NOT flirting!
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> **ZEN** : I don’t feel anything for that jerk!
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> **Jaehee Kang** : They do say not all soulmates have to be romantic.
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> **Jaehee Kang** : Or even platonic, I suppose.
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> **You** : Opposites attract! 8D
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> **You** : Clearly they were made for each other!
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> **_____** : One is the devilishly handsome rich corporate leader who avoids women…
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> **You** : ...And one is the gorgeous star who loves all the ladies and they fall all over for him too!
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> **_____** : Together they are
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> **You** : GAY!
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> **_____** : GAY!
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> **You** : LOLOLOLOLOL OMG
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> **Yoosung** : LOL You guys were almost perfectly in sync!
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> **You** : We’re meant to be <3
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> **ZEN** : UGH GROSS
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> **_____** : LOLOLOL
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> **_____** : <3 <3
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> **You** : :O
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> **You** : <3
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> **You** : <3
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> **You** : <3
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> **Jaehee Kang** : Stop spamming the chat.
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> **ZEN** : And stop spreading such slander!
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> **ZEN** : I’m so NOT interested in Jumin even if he is my soulmate!
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> **ZEN** : I’d much rather have _____ fawning over me ;)
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> **You** : u dont even know what their gender is
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> **You** : they might not be a girl ;3
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> **_____** : A pretty girl ;3
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> **_____** : Or a dashing man ;3
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> **_____** : Or…
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> **You** : SECRETLY ME IN DISGUISE!
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> **ZEN** : I would know if you would just tell me!!
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : This is hilarious to watch.
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : And I want to know too!!
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> **______** : That would ruin the fun~
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> **You** : Lol gotta respect their choice!
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> **Jumin Han** : It appears that you two are more like soulmates than us.
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> **_____** : You think?
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> **You** : u all don’t know for sure I have a soulmate
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> **Jaehee Kang** : It’s rather unlikely that you don’t.
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> **ZEN** : Yeah, you were just harassing us about it
> 
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> **ZEN** : And now you’re avoiding the question?
> 
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> **You** : It wasn’t a question though lol
> 
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> **You** : Why are u so curious?
> 
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> **ZEN** : Because you never talk about them!
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> **You** : Not everybody wants to fight with their soulmate like you two
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : Guys we shouldn’t pressure him to talk about these things
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : It’s personal!
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> **ZEN** : He’s among friends here!
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> **You** : Why are we still talking about me?
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> **You** : Could’ve sworn the question was directed at _____
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> **_____** : Throw me under the bus
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> **_____** : Rude.
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> **You** : <3
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> **Jaehee Kang** : Yoosung is right. We’re being rude.
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> **Jumin Han** : I agree. Leave them be.
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> **_____** : Well I don’t mind saying that I do have a soulmate.
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> **_____** : I don’t know really anything about them, though.
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> **_____** : Just a couple of their likes and such.
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : So your soulmate talks to you? How lucky!
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> **Yoosung** **☆** : I wished mine talked to me :(
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> **_____** : We don’t talk much. Just occasionally writing to each other.
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> **ZEN** : If they respond then why don’t you exchange numbers?
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> **_____:** I don’t think they want to.
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> **_____:** We’ve chatted, but they never once hinted they wanted to exchange information.
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> **_____:** So I just left it be.
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> **Jaehee Kang:** Do you want to, though?
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> **_____:** I would like to, yes.
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> **_____:** But I’m fine if they don’t want to.
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> **_____:** I know they have their reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always get distracted whenever someone puts MC in there and I usually try to avoid having to use any type of name. This time around I can't avoid it. Sorry if it's a little distracting!


	9. Emotions

Saeyoung didn’t often think about the words “like” and “love”. He didn’t work in emotions. He had to be emotionless to deal with the job he had. He wasn’t granted the luxury of feeling positive emotions. What little happiness he was allowed he hoarded close to his chest. The warm feelings he received when he saw and felt a new drawing appearing on his skin. The joy of teasing the RFA members. The sights of the new RFA member’s name on the chatrooms. The soft scrape of his soulmate’s nails across his arm as they used just enough pressure to transfer the sensation. These were all small happinesses that were all his.

 

The feelings of “like” and “love” were not ones he was used to. He didn’t grow up feeling love. He only knew the love he felt for his brother. He was hesitant to call what he felt for his soulmate love as well. What did such love feel like? Was it platonic? Was it -dare he say it- romantic? He didn’t know. Expert Playboy didn’t prepare him for this.

 

But now his heart felt like it was in turmoil because whatever he felt for his soulmate was being reciprocated whenever he looked at the new RFA member’s name. When he heard them speak with him. When they laughed at his jokes or played along with him in the chatroom. It was dangerous. He barely knew them. And yet somehow they were on par with his feelings for a person who had been part of his life since he was born? He didn’t understand. He didn’t like it. It was terrifying.

 

It felt like betrayal. 

  
Saeyoung pulled his wrist closer to his face as he lay in his bed desperately trying to catch what little sleep he could. Between the hacker, the newest RFA member, and work, Saeyoung wasn’t able to get any sleep. His mind was always buzzing even as his body puttered out from exhaustion. His head throbbed with the constant sugar and caffeine he had ingested. He felt sick from the potato chips and the soda and the emotional hazard of his heart.

 

He pressed his lips to his wrist and sighed. What would his soulmate think about the emotions rapidly blooming in his chest for another person? Why did he feel like they were betraying them? He wanted to write to them. He wanted to hear what they sounded like. If he talked to his soulmate, would he feel stronger for them than the RFA member? The idea both appealed to him and made him feel a little sick. Was this love? This lonely feeling in his heart?

 

It made him think of Saeran. Was he okay? Did he experience feelings like this? He deserved to know his soulmate. Maybe his precious brother had already contacted his own soulmate. Saeyoung wished he could talk to his brother. He wanted to hear his voice. He wanted to know who his brother’s soulmate was. He had to have a soulmate if Saeyoung did too. Saeyoung wanted his brother to meet his other half. Saeyoung wanted to introduce his other half to his brother. 

 

Tears were blinked away from his eyes. The pain in his stomach really hurt. He dragged his small trash can closer in case he vomited. He just wanted unconsciousness to take him. Let him fall asleep already! God, let him stop having such horrible thoughts and feelings!

 

His nails began to dig into his wrist as he rolled over to face a different way. His stomach lurched. He hated his life. He wanted to be free. He could picture the blue sky from his childhood. He imagined driving one of his cars down an open road. Someone was beside him, but he couldn’t tell if it was Saeran, his soulmate, or the new RFA member. He didn’t know which he longed for most.

 

The sensation of drawing on his skin pulled him from his sad thoughts. He opened his eyes and squinted through the murky darkness of his room to see what was being drawn. It was a cat this time. It was weaving between the half-crescents of the nail marks on his arm. He hadn’t recognized the pain. He had hurt his soulmate again.

 

_ Are you alright _ ? The words came immediately after.

 

Saeyoung reached for a marker next to his bed.  _ sorry _

 

His soulmate circled their question a couple times. Insistent.

 

_ im fine _ . He promised. He could almost feel their hesitation lingering on the back of his tongue. He could picture their pen hovering over their skin wanting to press further questions. It saddened and relieved him that they respected his unspoken wishes to maintain distance. He longed to tell them about his broken and scattered emotions. How would they feel if he told them that he might also love someone else?

 

He shied violently away from that thought.

 

_ have u been in love with someone? _ He stared at the words on his skin and then at the marker in his hand. Yes, that was definitely his marker. What the hell did he just write on himself?

 

_ Yes _ they responded almost immediately. Saeyoung’s breath forced itself from his lungs. What?  _ But I can never figure out what they feel _ They continued. They just kept writing. They were rambling onto their skin.  _ They never tell me I only get glimpses into their life but its never enough to see anything But I can tell that I love them. I love them so much I wish I knew more about them I wish they would let me know more about them I would tell them everything if they just asked. _

 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Abort mission. 

_ ABORT MISSION. _

 

He didn’t know what to do.

 

His shock and hesitation must have been obvious.  _ but… _ they continued  _ I think I’m starting to fall for another person too… _

 

Saeyoung clenched his teeth. He wanted this conversation to stop. Just stop it. Stop talking to him. Don’t tell him any more. He didn’t want to read this. Why was his soulmate always so in-tune with him? He didn’t want to know that they were in love with someone. Why had he asked that?

 

_ i’m sorry _

 

Saeyoung wrapped his blanket around his arm before he could read whatever else they might write. He tied it on so that he couldn’t read his arm anymore. He buried his face into his pillow.

  
Saeyoung didn’t often think about the words “like” and “love”. He didn’t work in emotions. He wished that he couldn’t feel anything at all.


	10. Sacrifice

Saeyoung often went a long time without responding to his soulmate. He had no choice, especially when he had work that he had to focus on. It wasn’t prudent to write notes on himself when he was on a mission. Actually, now that he thought about it he had written notes on himself before. He had to write them in languages that he (hoped) that his soulmate did not know, though, just so that they would be safe. 

 

So him not responding to his soulmate was because it was common, not because he was angry with them. He wasn’t angry. He was just not responding. And if that lined up with his desire not to talk to them anyway because he can barely stand to look at their words than so be it. He didn’t always have to look at their words. They had their own life and he had his. If they were falling in love with someone else, then it was all the better for him.

 

They had the right to fall in love with someone else. That was what Saeyoung wanted anyway. They should have someone who wasn’t dangerous. Someone who  _ literally _ hurt them even when he didn’t mean to. He was dangerous. The fact that their life was connected to his was all the worse. The closer he was to his soulmate, the more their bond would resound. If Saeyoung fell in love with his soulmate and his soulmate fell in love with him then even the softest brush of the skin would be felt across the bond. He couldn’t allow that. He couldn’t risk them like that.

  
It was a good thing he wasn’t in love with his soulmate. Definitely not.

 

Besides he had other things to deal with in his life at the moment. Such as his work, and the possible bomb that may go off, and also the hacker who set that bomb. Yeah, his life was totally fun. He definitely had time to focus on his relationship with an all-but-imaginary person right now!

 

Despite all of that there was a portion of his brain CPU power that  _ was _ still focusing on that portion of his life. Even when he was overwhelmed apparently he couldn’t help but obsess about little things. Such as the fact that his soulmate hadn’t tried to draw on him since their “fight”. And that Saeyoung had started scratching at himself again but his soulmate  _ hadn’t tried to draw on him _ to get him to stop.

 

What did that mean? What did that mean for their relationship? Had Saeyoung really ruined it by ignoring them? Did they not care about the scratching anymore? It must be hurting them too, right? Did they decide to finally listen to Saeyoung and believe he was dangerous? 

 

He didn’t have  _ time _ to think about this stuff!!

 

Vanderwood had threatened to taser him again recently. Would his soulmate be able to feel that?

 

Shut up shut up shut up shut up!

 

“ARGH!!” Saeyoung cried into the air and sweeped more Honey Buddha chip crumbs and bags off of his desk. He gripped his hair and shook his head in frustration. He needed to stop thinking about these things! There was a life on the line, dammit!! Focus, Saeyoung!!

 

His gaze drifted over to the camera feed of Rika’s apartment so he could stare at the newest RFA member. They were rubbing at their own head with a sad frown on their face. Were they confused about something too? Saeyoung wanted to call them to ask what they were thinking. He watched as their hand slowly fell from their head to grab a marker beside them. They tapped it rapidly, clearly contemplating something, before replacing the marker with their cell phone. 

 

Automatically, Saeyoung grabbed his own and waited half hoping that they would call him. His phone didn’t ring, but he noticed that they had entered the RFA chatroom. That was fine too. Saeyoung put his phone aside to resist the temptation and turned back to his work. His brain felt even more scrambled than before with the distracting knowledge that he could be having fun chats with his newest friend. But soon enough his mind was back on his soulmate.

 

It was good that they weren’t talking to him anymore. It was good they weren’t drawing on themselves. They should move on with their life. Maybe spend more time with the person (the  _ other _ person) they were falling in love with. That person would treat them right, he was sure. He could sense these types of things. They could be happy together. And Saeyoung

 

And Saeyoung-

 

And Saeyoung?

 

And . . . Saeyoung . . . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can't you just be happy?
> 
> What is this love square. This is almost as ridiculous as Miraculous Ladybug.


	11. Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another small update!

Saeyoung was in trouble. He was in so much trouble that he couldn’t even begin to think about how much hell he was currently in. And yet despite everything he could only think of one action to take. Well, multiple actions. Multi-step actions.

 

Step 1: Ignore the other person in the room no matter how much he wanted to converse with them.

 

He didn’t have the time to deal with them despite what he wanted to do. It was his first time meeting the newest RFA member, but it had been under terrible circumstances. Probably the worst he could possibly imagine. Which was why he was in Hell at the moment. His body craved to listen to them and talk to them, but he couldn’t.

 

He couldn’t.

 

Step 2: Fix the security system before Unknown (Saeran) managed to mess with it again.

 

This was a harder step. It wasn’t working out well at all. Saeyoung couldn’t even begin to focus on it. Not with everything else happening to him. Not with his mind shutting down the way it was. Because it could only focus on one thing-

 

Step 3: Contact Yoosung.

 

>  
> 
> **You**
> 
> Yoosung
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> **Yoosung**
> 
> Seven!! Everything’s alright, right?
> 
> You’re both safe?
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> **You**
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> We’re fine. Don’t worry about that.
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> I have a question you need to answer right now.
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> **Yoosung**
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> What is it? Anything to help!
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> **You**
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> What do you know about your soulmate?
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> **Yoosung**
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> Huh? Why are you asking about them?
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> **You**
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> I need to know everything you know about them.
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> Right now.
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> **Yoosung**
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> But...that has nothing to do with anything right now…
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> **You**
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> Yoosung
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> **Yoosung**
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> Unless you know something about them?
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> DID YOU FIND SOMETHING OUT?!
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> **You**
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> I don’t know. Not yet.
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> Please just tell me.
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> **Yoosung**
> 
> …
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> **You**
> 
> It’s important I promise
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> **Yoosung**
> 
> ...Fine.
> 
> They get hurt a lot. I...think they do drugs.
> 
> I have track marks on my arm from them…
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> And you know about the tattoo.
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> **You**
> 
> How often do they get hurt?
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> **Yoosung**
> 
> Not as often as they used to...but occasionally I get bruises and hurt.
> 
> I don’t think they’re in a safe situation.
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> **You**
> 
> and…
> 
> when you were a kid?
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> **Yoosung**
> 
> It was a lot worse.
> 
> I was in pain a lot. Most days it was unbearable.
> 
> Seven, what does this have to do with anything?
> 
> Have you found my soulmate?? What does this have to do with the bomb??
> 
> Seven?
> 
> Seven!!
> 
> Come on, answer me!!
> 
> SEVEN!!!

 

“Seven?” They whispered to him across the room. Saeyoung kept his face buried in his hands taking deep breaths. He tried hard not to grit his teeth, but it was hard to keep his breathing under control. He was losing his mind.

 

“Seven, are you okay? You can talk to me.” They were closer now. He felt a hand touch his back. Saeyoung flinched but didn’t pull away. Their touch felt good to him. Nonetheless he longed to feel writing on his skin. He bit his lip hard and tried not to sob.

 

Everything he knew was a lie. All of it. Yoosung’s soulmate was Saeyoung’s brother, and all of the signs of his brother’s pain had been there. Saeran had been wearing the same tattoo that Yoosung had on his skin. It was unique enough to immediately recognize it. Even through that horrible situation Saeyoung had noticed. And now he was hearing that his brother was still in pain. That he was probably on drugs.

 

Saeran was in danger.

 

V had lied to him.

 

Saeyoung could feel himself falling apart.

 

Arms wrapped around him trying to hold him, but he didn’t move in his position. He was trying hard not to sob. He didn’t even know where to begin. He didn’t know what to do. He had to help Saeran, but he was in so much trouble. Someone had to help Saeran, and nobody else was going to do it.

 

“Seven. Seven.” They whispered as a hand ran soothingly over his shoulder. “Seven, please talk to me. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

 

Saeyoung managed to get his tongue, “Saeran is Yoosung’s soulmate.” It hurt to say aloud. He _ached_. He hated soulmates in that moment. He had been blind. He wanted his own soulmate. They must be in pain as he bit his lip harder.

 

The person next to him gasped. It sounded like it was from pain, but it was probably from the revelation. “Oh no . . .”

 

Saeyoung lifts his head to finally gaze at them. Their lip is red, he notices, as they lick it. They must have bitten their lip too. Even now they suck it into their mouth. It’s very distracting. Saeyoung wished he could be distracted more.

 

“You have soulmate.” He confirms quietly.

 

They hesitate before nodding.

 

Saeyoung grits his teeth and swallows. “Yeah? Me too. And I’m really starting to hate the fact. Because I was supposed to be Saeran’s soulmate.” Saeyoung dropped his head back into his hands and finishes even more quietly, “I guess I failed him on that too.”


	12. Understanding

The next few days were a rollercoaster of emotions for Saeyoung. He never felt more dead and more alive in a while. He had a purpose, but each time he attempted to go for it he would break down again. He had a nasty habit of lashing out at people and objects close to him. It was a wonder he hadn’t made his housemate hate him. Instead they only seemed to draw closer. He could feel what they wanted from him -what he himself wanted from  _ them- _ but it was wrong. It was hard. Everything was terrible.

 

They weren’t terrible, though. They were always kind to him. Understanding in a way that no person should be to him with the way he acted. With the kind of threat he put them under. He wanted to scream at them for being stupid so that they would finally draw away from him, but nothing he did pushed them away. They were stubborn like he was. They were soft where he was all rough and sharp edges. They got his sense of humor whenever it would shine through the dark moments. They didn’t seem to mind that he wasn’t the playful 707 anymore. 

 

They hugged him and confessed their love for him despite the circumstances.

 

What was he to do? They had given him time to think on it. He could take as long as he wanted, they had said, and that had relieved some of the pressure in his chest. For once in his life he had  _ time _ to think about something. He didn’t have to jump feet first into something so dangerous as a relationship, no matter how much his impatient self wanted to. He was going to think things over properly.

 

But there was a part of him that rejected even considering this person. They were not his soulmate. He was . . . admittedly more in love with them than he had expected in the short time he had known them, but he was also in love with his soulmate.

 

(Right? It was love, right? He wasn’t sure. It felt a lot like how he felt for the RFA member but less . . . physical? Real? He didn’t know how to describe it. His heart was protesting either way, the fickle thing it was, so he wasn’t sure. He just didn’t know for certain.)

 

If he accepted this person, it was betrayal. He had never considered himself a romantic before (and falling in love and saving yourself for your soulmate was  _ so _ cliche because  _ all _ romantic dramas featured that trope) but here he was playing the innocent virgin who was saving himself for his magical other half. 

 

He couldn’t help it, though. He could only imagine what his soulmate might feel if he had another lover. Would they feel each kiss he gave another person? What touches would they feel during intimacy? If that person liked certain activities that might produce some pleasurable pain, wouldn’t his soulmate feel that from him? Wouldn’t his lover’s soulmate also feel it? 

 

Saeyoung didn’t know. Not for sure, anyway. Nobody talked about these things and those that did he hadn’t looked up to read. He hadn’t been curious enough. Now he kind of regretted it.

 

His soulmate had told him they’d had other lovers before (ow . . . that still hurt to think about). He couldn’t recall feeling anything through that bond . . . but that didn’t mean much. He had a good memory, but he brushed off pain. The few things he could remember feeling from his soulmate had all been the drawings and the writing on his skin. The soft scrape of their nails across their scalp that Saeyoung had felt too. The playful pinch they gave him when he was being ridiculous to them. 

 

Things may be different now. He wasn’t sure he could betray his soulmate like that. 

 

But he loved the RFA member too . . .

 

Saeyoung sighed. On top of all of this he also had to plan what he was going to do about Saeran and V. He needed to save his brother. He already had plans to go rescue him. His housemate had been helping to hold him together, which was more than what he could say for his soulmate.

 

They had been strangely quiet. Neither of them had communicated with each other since the confession that night before all of this started. Since his soulmate had practically confessed that they loved him and wanted to know everything about him. They had offered themselves to him, but had almost immediately pulled it back with the condition that they were also falling in love with someone else. 

 

Did Saeyoung have the right to date someone when his soulmate was already halfway in love with someone else? He . . . didn’t like the thought. He didn’t want to give them to everyone else. They were special. They were his. He was theirs. 

 

The more he was being healed and protected by the RFA member he was in love with, the more he wanted to give himself to his soulmate. To finally confess to everything and tell them about his life and who he was. He wanted to hear their voice and look them up and see everything about them and visit them and see what they looked like as they drew on their skin. He wanted to explain to them each scar they both shared and tell them the story behind how he got them no matter how painful. He owed it to them. He craved to give himself to them.

 

Should he take what he had? Or did he dare wait for the person who had been with him his entire life?

 

More important question: where have they been? Have they been alright? He was worried for them. He should talk to them. They could probably help him make his decision. Would it be biased, though?

 

Saeyoung hesitated in the kitchen, gazing at the marker on the table nearby. There always seemed to be writing utensils around the house. It must be because his housemate was an artist as well. Must be an artist thing just like Saeyoung had technology and spare parts around his house (when it hasn’t been cleaned by Vanderwood).

 

He contemplated the marker for a long moment before he picked it up. His housemate was moving around the kitchen finishing making up lunch. They had been talking to him, but for the most part they had left him to their thoughts. They had instead been communicating with the rest of the RFA. Saeyoung appreciated the space even though the occasional phone call from them still made him smile and pick up the phone. 

 

He turned back away from them and uncapped the marker to finally write on his arm  _ Are you okay? _

 

They didn’t respond immediately. Saeyoung could wait. He watched the words on his arm with anxiety curling in his lower gut. His housemate came to sit across from him, passing him a plate of sandwiches and some juice. Saeyoung didn’t look up at them yet. He was afraid his courage would waiver if he saw their beautiful face and eyes looking at him.

 

His housemate began to laugh suddenly, causing Saeyoung to automatically look up. They had such a wonderful laugh that always sent warmth through him. He hadn’t heard enough of it lately. Their eyes were sparkling with hidden mirth as they beamed at him. Their gaze screamed  _ Wow, this is a ridiculous scenario, right? _ Saeyoung wondered what scenario they were laughing about.

 

“Yes, I’m fine.” They said aloud through more giggles. They had to cover their mouth as they tried to bite back their humor. Saeyoung only became more confused. They were fine, yes, but what was so funny?

 

“What did I miss?” He asked.

 

“Oh my God, Luciel, we’re so stupid.  _ I’m _ so stupid!” They only laughed harder. They tried to gain control of it as they babbled, “I’ve been worrying about it so much! I was so worried I screwed things up. I was so scared, Luciel,  _ so freaking scared _ that I had ruined the best thing in my life. And now? Now everything makes so much sense! So much adds up to me being such an idiot!” 

 

He had definitely missed something. “Are you okay . . . ?” He asked hesitantly as his mind swirled and tried to process what part of this conversation he missed.

 

“Yes!” They cried. “Yes, Luciel, I am  _ so _ okay!” They reached towards him and pulled up their sleeve. There on their arm was handwriting he would recognize instantly. Their giddiness suddenly made sense.

 

Saeyoung swallowed hard as his eyes darted from the words written on their arm, to the bite mark on their lower lip, to the indention from glasses nose pieces on their nose, all while everything clicked rapidly into place.

 

_ Oh. _

  
“ _ Oh _ .” He breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm tempted to go ahead and end this story here, but I also think I should do one final chapter. Maybe just something of an "after everything" chapter. Saeyoung's final thoughts about having a soulmate.
> 
> Actually yeah, I think I'll do that. Skip ahead one final time.  
> I'll have more notes after that.  
> Or if anyone has other brief ideas they may wish to see, definitely let me know!


	13. Retrospect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue

The funniest thing was retrospect. 

 

Nothing in his life had been considered coincidence. If he lived or died had been on his shoulders. His life with and without his brother had been circumstance. Everything that went wrong with the RFA had been by Rika’s and V’s choices. Everything that had gone  _ right _ with the RFA had been due to the members and their individual personalities.

 

Saeyoung being introduced to his soulmate in a roundabout way by his brother and Saeyoung introducing Saeran to his soulmate via Saeyoung? Well, that was the break in the mold.

 

It was impossible for Saeran to have know who he had been catfishing for his mission. It could be nothing but coincidence that Saeran had chosen  _ that particular person _ to be used. Saeyoung hadn’t let the information he knew about his soulmate out into the world. Saeran had already told him he hadn’t seen Saeyoung once since they had separated.

 

Maybe it wasn’t coincidence, actually. Maybe it had been fate. God’s hand in Saeyoung’s life.

 

Maybe he really was soulmates with Saeran but in a different way. The brothers had brought each other their other halves.

 

(That was confusing to think to himself.)

 

Everything was obvious in retrospect. He had just been ignorant and blind to see. Or, rather, he had been too busy. Always too busy. Never enough time to think through all of his thinking. 

 

It was right now. He didn’t have to constantly keep himself busy. He had been given time to slow down. Which was good because his other opportunity to take his time in his thinking had been blown out of the water as soon as he realized that the two people his heart had been agonizing over had been the same person the entire time.

 

No wonder his soulmate hadn’t been drawing on him. They had been too busy trying to help him in other ways.

 

“Actually,” they interrupted his thoughts as he mused aloud, “I had been trying to seduce you.”

 

Saeyoung scoffed a laugh, shooting them an amused gaze. “You weren’t conflicted about falling in love with someone while you were in love with your soulmate?”

 

“Of course I was.” They admitted freely. “To be honest, though . . . best case scenario I was secretly hoping we could have some kind of polyamory.” 

 

Why hadn’t Saeyoung thought of that?

 

His fingers ran up and down their bare arm and over the intricate tattoo they had designed and had permanently inked into their skin. He could feel the faintest of brushes against his own arm. Weird to think he was doing that to himself. Weirder to think that they shared the same tattoo.

 

One thing was proven correct: The closer he was to his soulmate emotionally, the stronger their bond. 

 

He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed the pull between them before. He must have mistaken the pull for something else. Humans were ridiculous.

 

He wiggled himself a little lower on the bed and offered his lips, which they quickly took to kiss him with a sigh. The double sensation of pressure was strange still but becoming addictive.

 

How had he lived without this?

 

In retrospect, he probably hadn’t been living. This was so much better now that he had them in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably going to make this into a series. I at least want to touch on Saeran and Yoosung's relationship, as well as Jumin and Zen's. Maybe do one more oneshot for MC and Saeyoung. Idk. Anyway this is the end of this particular one! Thank you for everyone who indulged me in my short stories!


End file.
